The Symptom of the problem is not the problem itself - Learn to identify the deeper problem in a Relationship

You must pinpoint the problem or problems in a relationship.The biggest problem is that people believe that the symptoms of a problem is the core problem itself. In reality, the symptom of the problem is not the problem itself.

When an affair is present in a relationship, many people think that the affair is the core problem which has caused the breakup. The truth is, the affair is a symptom of a deeper problem. For instance, lack of true intimacy, can lead to the spouse straying. Most people think and blame that the affair is the main problem for the break up, but they totally miss out that the deeper problem was the lack of intimacy, for instance, which was the main problem which led to the affair. If you have not addressed the issue of lack of intimacy, another affair may not start because of guilt factor, but surely some other core problem may crop up.

When you start to deal with core issues rather than symptoms, you can save the relationship.

Once you have identified the core problems, you can begin to share your thoughts. This means both verbalizing your own feelings and listening to your partner’s concerns. Hold your partner’s hand when you are talking about your problems as a signal that you want to reconnect even when your emotions are swirling. When your partner talks about things that hurt you remember that he or she is not doing it because he or she wants to hurt you. Rather it is because they want to improve the relationship.

Once you have detailed the problems in your relationship, create an action plan to solve them. Then, take concrete steps on your action plan. Plan a date night every week, if either or both of you, have time constraints, and hence can't spend time together like you used to. Take turns coming up with creative ways to spend an evening together each Wednesday. If not communicating is the problem, commit to spending 20 minutes before going to bed just talking to one another. And, then do it.

First, you must decide whether the relationship is worth saving. While almost every relationship can be saved with hard work, both parties must decide that they want to make it work. Because if a partner has opted out and doesn’t want to opt back in, there is little that can be done.

Many people stay in a relationship because it is convenient or remain in a marriage because of the children. But that is not enough. How to save a relationship starts with a commitment by both parties that the relationship is worth saving. When both parties are truly committed to saving a relationship, only then can the process of saving a relationship start.

Finally, you should be prepared to realize that the process of saving a relationship is an ongoing process. There is going to be both laughter and tears going forward.

Be quick to apologize and slow to blame.

The first question you should ask yourself is whether your relationship is worth saving?

The answer to that CRUCIAL question can be found in the MAGIC OF MAKING UP.